How the Stories You Tell Yourself About ‘Stuff’ Keep You Stuck

The Psychological Challenges of Decluttering

I have been helping my mum do some decluttering recently and it has made me think about all the things we tell ourselves about why we can’t get rid of stuff. If you have cupboards, drawers, and boxes filled with things you never use, but can’t quite bring yourself to part with them, then read on.

Any professional declutterer and organiser will tell you that one of the biggest stumbling blocks to decluttering is not just finding the time to do so, or deciding what to do with all that stuff, but the act of parting with the items themselves. It's about letting go of objects that hold memories. Many of the belongings we’ve accumulated are linked to different seasons of our lives or our friends and family, some of whom are no longer part of our lives. Therefore, even if your home is functional and clean, you may still be hanging on to stuff that doesn't serve you.

I want to explore some of the thoughts you might be having that are stopping you from decluttering and give you ideas about how to deal with those sentences in your head that pop up every time you think about finding time to sort out the house.

When a Gift Becomes Clutter

How often does your brain say ‘I can’t throw that away because Auntie Joan gave it to me for my birthday’. Perhaps Auntie Joan is no longer alive or she now lives in Australia and you never see her. It feels ‘wrong’ to throw it out. It feels as though you’re dishonouring her memory or betraying her by throwing it out. But if that item is languishing in the back of a dark cupboard and never sees the light of day, is that truly any better than getting rid of it? Would Auntie Joan want you to keep it just because you’d feel guilty if you threw it out? If you aren't using an item, what purpose is it truly serving in your life? 

It can be helpful to remember that things aren't people. Even if you part with the item you still have your memories of Auntie Joan. And what would you want if you were Auntie Joan? Would you want your niece to pretend she liked your gift and then shove it in the back of the cupboard or would you want her to pass it on to someone who would use it? If Auntie Joan makes a habit of buying you gifts you never use maybe it’s time to be honest (as hard as that is) and give her some ideas for what you’d really like next birthday.

Accepting Closed Chapters

Another thought that might be keeping you stuck is having to accept that you are never going to use something again. Maybe you used to participate in a certain sport, and for various reasons, you can't do that anymore. You might resist admitting to yourself that this is a chapter in your life that has closed and you need to move on.

It can be hard, particularly if the change wasn’t through choice. But it’s time to be realistic, to be honest and accept that our lives change and to look forward instead of back. Stop kidding yourself that you’ll go back to squash next year, sell your racket and take a look at what yoga classes or walking groups there are around (or whatever it is you’d like to do instead). Don’t focus on the loss but think about what there will be space for once you make the decision to let it go. 

But I Might Need It

One of the most common thoughts is, "I might need it again. I'm going to regret this the minute I throw it away." But if you haven't used an item in the past year are you really likely to use it in the next 12 months. Do you truly need it? Unless it’s something incredibly rare or obscure, you can probably just buy it again if you did happen to need it. 

We bought a new kettle recently and my partner wanted to keep our old kettle with the broken lid as a "backup." I pointed out that we have a travel kettle, we can boil water on the hob, and we can heat water in the microwave. Furthermore, we can order a replacement for next-day delivery or buy one at a local shop. Life wouldn't end if we were without a kettle for a day or two. To his credit, he accepted this argument, and the old kettle went to the recycling.

This offers a great question to ask yourself when your brain says, "What if I need this?" Think about what you could do if this happened. Do you have anything else that could serve the same function? Could you borrow one? There’s always an answer. And let’s be honest, it probably won’t happen.

Get Started

So if you’re looking round your home now and thinking that maybe you’re finally ready to start letting go and looking forward, why not put some time in your calendar over the weekend to get started. You don’t have to spend all day on it. Thirty minutes will do. And if your brain starts arguing with you (which it will do) remember what you’ve read here. 

Decluttering is just one of the strategies in my eBook ‘Five Simple Steps to Making Time for What Brings You Joy’, but there are loads more. It’s only £7.99 so why not take a look. Just click here.